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wait a minute!!joke  

shooting babies !



the smiths were unable to conceive children, and elected to use a 
surrogate father to start their family.  on the day the proxy father was to arrive, mr. smith kissed his  wife and said, `i'm off. the man should be here soon. and don't worry about  anything - - i love you and i trust you` 

half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 

`good morning madam. i've come to...` 

 `oh, no need to explain. i've been expecting you,` mrs. smith cut in. 

 `really?` the photographer asked, completely surprised, `well, good! 
  my specialty is babies and i promise i won't disappoint  you.` 

`that's what my husband and i had hoped. please come in and have a seat.` 
 after a moment she asked, blushing, `well, where do we start?` 

leave everything to me. i usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. sometimes the living room floor is fun too, 'cause you can really spread out!` 

`bathtub, living room floor? no wonder it didn't work for harry and  me.` 

`well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every  time. but if we  try several different positions, and i shoot from six or seven angles,  i'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.` 

`my, that's a lot of. . . ` gasped mrs. smith. 

`madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. i'd love to be in and 
out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, i'm sure.` 

`.....don't i know it,` mrs. smith said quietly. 

the photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. `this was done on the top of a bus  in downtown london.` 

`oh my god!!` mrs. smith gasped, thinking to herself.................. on top of a bus !!! 

'and these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you  consider their mother was so difficult to work with.` 

`she was difficult?` asked mrs. smith.  

`yes, i'm afraid so. i finally had to take her to hyde park to get the job done right. people were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.` 

`four and five deep?` asked mrs. smith, her eyes widened in mazement....... 

`yes`, the photographer said. `and for more than three hours, too.  the mother was constantly squealing and yelling - i could hardly concentrate.  then darkness approached and i began to rush my shots. finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, i just packed it all in.` 

mrs. smith leaned forward. `you mean they actually chewed on your, ...............um............equipment?` 

`that's right. well, madam. now, if you're ready, i'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.` 

`...your tripod............. ???????????` 
 
`oh yes, i have to use a tripod to rest my canon on. it's  much too big for me to hold very long. madam? madam? are you ok ? 
 
 ................good lord, she's  fainted...!!!!!!!!